We Said For Better, For Worse

Saying these words means our love and relationship do not depend on external factors, situations, or circumstances. It signifies unconditional love. When you say “I do” to someone who has epilepsy, it becomes even more meaningful. Every relationship begins with fears, anxiety, and stress. Now, imagine these emotional challenges combined with a diagnosis of epilepsy. When making this forever commitment, you are accepting the responsibility of loving, caring, embracing change, and being flexible in your daily lives. This takes work, knowledge, and hands-on support.

Education… Become educated about the needs of your spouse. Learn what type of epilepsy is involved: tonic-clonic seizures, where a person loses consciousness and may fall or become confused. If you know what is “normal” for your spouse, you will quickly identify what is happening and how you can best help. Learn what types of medications are prescribed and taken. Understand what may trigger the seizures: these could include flashing lights, patterns, lack of sleep, stress, alcohol, and missed medications. Most importantly, learn Seizure First Aid. You can find information online, at libraries, through your local epilepsy organization, support groups, your spouse’s doctor, and message boards.

Support… As you learn more about epilepsy, you’ll be able to provide much-needed support. Take the time to listen to their needs, lift them up (physically and emotionally) when needed, and give them space when they want to stand on their own. Ensure that all medications are taken as directed. Consider the activities you’re engaging in and how they might increase the chances of a seizure. Recognize the onset of a seizure and be prepared to care for them. Remember to seek support from friends and family, as well as epilepsy organizations like Epilepsy Alliance Florida.

Being a part of someone’s life always involves a certain amount of care. In any relationship, you become responsible for helping maintain your partner’s heart, mind, and spirit. This is true of all relationships and perhaps even more important when a partner has epilepsy. Intimacy and sharing are key to a successful and meaningful relationship. Find new ways to show each other your love. Learn the language of love. Gain new experiences to help discover what is important to you and your partner. Attend events and support group meetings together. Stay connected, and don’t become isolated, where you both might feel alone.

Keep looking for support until you find it—from medical practitioners, friends, and your community. Remember to support each other as well, because you’re in it together. A person who can integrate epilepsy into their identity tends to be emotionally healthy. Epilepsy becomes the norm and part of love, life, and your relationship, For Better.

Commitment is a mindset… an attitude… a way of thinking that will enable you and your spouse to navigate the still waters and the storms of a marriage relationship. Charles Swindoll, in Strike the Original Match, compares working on marriage to remodeling a house:

-It takes longer than you planned

-It costs more than you figured

-It is messier than you anticipated

-It requires greater determination than you expected

Sometimes, the only thing that keeps us going is hope!